Sex With Gigi

The oldest of my three older sisters once “caught” me trying to have sex with our family dog, Gigi, in the bathroom. The truth is that I didn’t even know what “sex” was at the time. I was thirteen years old, but because of what that doctor did to me during his “medical examination” I thought that my penis got hard so I could pleasure myself, not to have intercourse.

In other words, yes, I had my pants off in the bathroom, with Gigi between my legs. But, I wasn’t trying to have intercourse with her; I didn’t even know what intercourse was (and even if I did know what it was then, I realize now that it physically wouldn’t have been possible because Gigi was too small of a dog for that). All I was doing was masturbating, the same way the doctor had masturbated me just months before, introducing me to the perverse world of deviant sexual pleasure; this world.

My sister, of course, assumed otherwise. I had no idea at the time what she must have thought I was trying to do to Gigi. She hollered and screamed about me “trying to have sex with Gigi!” But, the word “sex” itself was still pretty much a mystery to me. I knew it meant something shameful, and that it involved the penis. Other than that I basically had no clue.

Most children know more about sex at age eight than I did at thirteen. They learn it from other (usually older) children, and combine that with what they hear from adults, see on T.V., and learn in school. But, this culture of sexual mystery doesn’t always result in adequate education for all children (in fact, studies have shown consistently that it rarely results in adequate education at all). In some cases, by mere chance, a child is left so confused about sex that masturbating on the back of a dog seems like a reasonable thing to do. And then when an older sister comes along and physically attacks such a boy for “hurting” the animal, the confusion only becomes worse, exacerbated to the point of desperation.

I’m writing this now in order to offer a glimpse into the confusing world of my youthful experiences that ultimately lead to my seeking “sex” with other children against their will. To call it “evidence” of “early sexual deviancy” is like calling a sweet tooth evidence of “latent obese tendencies”. It’s just silly. Except in this case it is a silliness that eventually ended up getting seven people murdered, when just a little understanding (i.e. non-silliness) could have so easily prevented the cycle of ignorance from coming full circle to its inevitable violent outcome. (see note).

[J.D. September 12, 2014]

(Note: If someone had taken the time to just talk openly with me about sex, and taught me what I wanted so desperately to know, I would have never felt the need to impose my confusing onto other children. Where were all the loving pedophiles when I needed one?)